


I can't take it anymore

by FernShaw



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Caretaking, Comfort Reading, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Pain, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25024093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FernShaw/pseuds/FernShaw
Summary: Hornet is in constant pain due to her fights in Pharloom and she would like it to end. Forever and for good.Thankfully she has a caring girlfriend that won't let her act just like that.
Relationships: Hornet/Lace (Hollow Knight)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41





	I can't take it anymore

It hurts. Always. Constantly. There was never a pause or a way to say "stop it". This kind of pain was permanent and felt like it could never be solved. 

It had been quite a while since Hornet ever felt painless. It brought her back memories. From the past. From Hallownest. The place where she belonged. She doesn't even remember what not having pain felt like. It was just completed burned onto her shell, a scar that she felt would never heal no matter the time she spent resting. Pharloom was the most awful place there was. Everything and everyone seemed to hate her. She made mistakes in the past, yes. But she corrected them as much as she could. So why ? What did she do to deserve this ? Getting some rest wasn't too much to ask, wasn't it ? A peaceful place. Anywhere, with any circumstances. Just peaceful enough not to think of everything that could and will happen soon enough. That was all she craved. Hornet needed rest. But nothing could give her such thing. 

Once again, the spider woke up in her bed, almost destroying the blanket with her claws. Her breath was erratic, so much that she thought she was going to vomit. Her eyes were shedding gigantic tears, so many tears that it felt like a river rolling down her cheeks. She tried to take a deep breath that was immediately stopped by intense shaking and pain coming out of her legs. Thoses were cut earlier in the day by a bellhead. It was so painful she even thought theses reopened during her sleep. Everything felt awful, nothing good, she hated it, she hated it.

And she was so much into her awful thoughts that she didn't even notice that her girlfriend had been holding her hand this whole time. 

"Hornet ... Dear, what is wrong ?"

Hornet shivered, holding back a hiccup. Noticing that she woke up her girlfriend too made it only worse. What was wrong ? Everything. Nothing was good. 

"I don't want to live ... Not like that ... I'm tired, I just want to rest, just once... I can't take it anymore, I JUST CAN'T !! Every single part of my body is yelling that it doesn't want to be alive anymore !! I feel like my own body is trying to kill me ! How can anyone live like this ?! I don't know ... I can't ..."

It wasn't the first time it happened. Each time it was just getting worse. Lace felt helpless, just being able to watch her lover suffering over and over again, unable to find a solution to a problem she never experienced. 

"Hornet ... I'm sorry that I can't do more but-"

"You're sorry ? YOU're sorry ?! Honey, please, I'm the only one who's sorry here, and I won't accept any apologies. The only thing I've brought you is my sleep terrors and my constant complains. And all you get to say is sorry ?!"

"Hornet. Please. I know this is difficult, but please, listen to my voice. Here. I am with you, for you, and I will be for how long I have to. I know this is difficult but you need to hear that you matter to me. This will get better. One day."

"One day ?! Oh yes, one day. One day just like two weeks ago. Just like three months ago. It never got better ! It only got worse ! And all I have to do is just accept it and continue to live despite that I could end it in seconds ?! Oh- ... Lace I'm sorry you have to cope with it, I'm just ... Horrible to you..."

"It's okay. Expressing it is already doing you a bit of good. See ? You're not crying anymore. It isn't miraculous yet it is slightly better, isn't it ?"

"It is ... For a very little bit. And it won't last. I won't deny it, it feels good to be with you. But ... Everything is just so little compared to what I live through, and ... I just want it to end. Is that really too much to ask ...?"

"I don't know if it is. But, I do want to remind you something. Your mind is troubled. You're only focusing on the bad things and it even erases what good could happen in the future and what even already happened ! You've met me ! I know, I might not be the best girlfriend in the world and perhaps stabbed you once or twice. But each time you feel bad, you always go back to me, don't you ? Isn't it because it feels even remotely nice ? Don't you remember all of the good moments you had with Sherma and Shakra ? Every infos you collected about your siblings to help them in the near future ? It would be a shame to let all of theses efforts disapear, wouldn't it ?"

"It would be ... It would ... But I can't just forget the pain."

"Still, we can always try to think of new ways to overcome it ! Either with the present, past or future ! Think about the moments you've appreciated ! Where you would like to be ! With who ? What will you do once everything will be better ?"

"I want... To be with you. And my siblings. In Hallownest. We could ... All ... Bake cookies. And I could knit comfy sweaters for all of us that would get itchy that you would wear because you're happy and don't want to disappoint me. Tch, that's stupid... It really is ... But ... I kind of want it. Even if it's dumb."

"That's a good beginning. I do want to have cookies with you. It would be nice. Sweaters are stupid but hey, if you can get through pain I can get over an over an itchy piece of clothing."

The spider weakly smiled. 

"Thank you for caring about me."

"Thank you for caring about yourself."

The spider slowly embraced the white body against hers.  
Her legs still hurt.  
But a little less.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is 100% self-care for me.  
> I kind of wanted to die tonight because I realized that today was the anniversary of the last time I had someone of my age talking to me in real life and it's ... Painful.  
> And because Lacenet is basically the ship I use to give myself some love I just had to rush a fic in 30 minutes to make it better for me.


End file.
